Aw, look at the cute little ignorant, lost child
whose mother is a Catholic.

Yeah, that was the attitude of the Mormons who tried many times to tell me of their book, that I wasn't really Catholic, just my parents were. I could change. Ironically, as an adult I appreciate that attitude. A child isn't Catholic or Protestant or Buddhist, but a child of Catholic, Protestant or Buddhist parents. When they're old enough to decide for themselves, let them decide, whether to be Catholic, Buddhist or, God forbid, Atheist.

I never had a clever response when the soul hunters came to the door.

She's kind of cute, though.

Here's a crap joke for you.

Jehovah's witness

Well what do you expect for free? Good jokes?

As I got older I started checking out other ways of celebrating my faith. This proved confusing. The youngest of eleven kids I was essentially raised by my older siblings, yes, the sadistic ones who told be I was going, unbaptized, to hell. Along with the typical older sibling cruelty, there was a certain hippy influence in my upbringing. I grew up hearing the music and philosophies of the 1960s which instilled in me a love of all things free-loving, natural and inclusive. Peace is good. Prejudice is wrong. Easy.

So it came as quite a shock to me when my mom told me that being specifically Catholic was more "precious" than being Christian. "Your Catholic faith," she said, "is the most precious thing you have." I said, "No mom. My Christian faith is the most precious thing I have." "No," she said firmly. "Your Catholic faith."

Wow. My mom, the kindest, most generous person in the world, has a prejudice. My world view is blown. I guess I'll have to figure this out on my own. So I started going to other churches, usually at the behest of friends.

But the behavior of modern Protestants kind of freaked me out.

Oh God, what am I supposed to do?
Uh...oh, Jesus, you're so great. Yeah, totally awesome.

Like how they have to continually remind themselves that they're Christians, saying something worshipful every other word.

actual conversation

Dating started getting weird, too.

I mean "amen!" Ah shit, screwed that up.

I dated one girl in particular whose feelings toward me went through an odd sort of evolution. You know how you meet someone, get excited and start dating and after a while realize he's not what you thought or hoped he was so you start to find fault with every goddamn thing he does and make fun of him in front of your friends and tell him he shouldn't listen to John Lennon because he's evil or the Indigo Girls because they're lesbians and then you finally decide that he himself is evil and eventually conclude that he's the antichrist and you dump him in the middle of rehearsal for a show you're both in so you can date the lead dancer who has a boat...oh you don't? That was just her? Oh, ok.

Anyway, she was a born again Christian. That is not to insinuate that her behavior is typical of born again folks. Most of them are quite nice.

Another girl I dated said she wanted to, "...say to one of these Darwinists, 'maybe you evolved. I was created.'" I told her cautiously, "Honey, I believe the theory of evolution." She cried, partly because she was afraid she'd hurt my feelings, but mostly, I think, because she found it difficult to find someone who believed the whacky shit she believed (like that she played badly in a band concert because she'd neglected to play in church the previous week)

who wasn't totally dull. Damn! I almost married that one! Whew! What the hell was my problem?

She was cute, though. Oh, there it is.