I'd pray in church that God would give me a sign. "Ok God. I'm going to close my eyes now and when I open them you make all the lights go out. Come on! DO it!"

Disappointed every time! Oh yeah, that whole "Thou shalt not put the Lord thy God to the test" thing. Right. But hey, I had to try, right? I had to figure things out. I didn't go to Catholic school like my older siblings and Sunday catechism was a joke. Sure I learned bible stories, but the tough questions never got answered. Like, What the hell is baptism? What does it mean? You have some water poured on your head and *POOF* you're holy. Seems like a magic spell to me. All I knew was that if you weren't baptized you'd go to hell! Forever! This was a fun 'fact' for my older brothers and sisters.

Yeah the older sibs had a sick sense of humor.

And thus began a long series of sleepless nights. I was plagued by questions, starting with: What if they're right!? I don't remember! Catholics are baptized as infants. If I wasn't baptized then it's too late now. Oh shit! I'll be in hell forever!

And later, as I started piecing things together: My god! I'm going to die one day. I'm...mortal! Well shit! What if this God stuff isn't true? That means that when I die, I'm DEAD FOREVER! It'll be like I never existed! Well shit! Who the hell do I complain to about this?